So You’re Stuck in the Mosh Pit: a Survival Guide

If you’re like me you try to get as close to the stage as possible at concerts.  If you’re also like me you know you have to toe that line between being able to watch the show and getting sucked into the mosh pit that is always around the stage.  Sadly I have failed in maintaining that line more times than I care to admit.  I’ve also learned a few tricks on how to not get completely bruised while retreating and planning my harrowing escape.  Want to know how I do it?  I act on these strategies.

Know the mosher archetypes.  Just as there are the types of people everyone meets at a concert there are different types of moshers.  The more you understand if you’re dealing with a guy who thinks he knows karate or the guy who had too much the better you’ll manage.

Expect strange liquids.  Sometimes when threatened, especially folks like overly enthusiastic mosher, moshers will go into a frenzy and knock the drink out of someone’s hand.  Sometimes the guy who had too much decides that chucking his pisswater at the stage is the equivalent of throwing confetti.  Sometimes ignorance as to what is soaking you is the best.  Regardless of how you got wet…

Don’t leave your mouth open too long.  There’s more liquid in store.  If that’s your thing I won’t judge you too much, though.

Don’t fight against the moshers.  If you want to join the moshing, join the moshing.  Since you’re probably reading this to eventually get out of your situation you probably don’t want to try that.  If they get too close and the group is small enough just nudge offenders back into the hoard. I promise you they won’t notice.  If it’s a wall of death you may want to pray to Jesus and join the moshing.  There is no escape once you’re caught in that.

Know the moshers will eventually thin out. The guy who wants to practice karate will either get tired or folks will get tired of him.  The guy who had too much will eventually have to pee and pass out in the stall.  Some folks will leave because they only wanted to see certain bands.  Whatever the reason the crowd will get thinner and you can make your escape.

Even if these tips don’t help yu as you’re being smashed around at the concert you can take comfort in knowing that you probably aren’t alone in trying to survive the situation.  Who knows, maybe you’ll run into them and survive through solidarity.  Or you’ll get knocked around into someone who will know your pain.

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